tapedave

I keep seeing all these incredible side hustles that many TikTok users have started, and they scream that they earn hundreds of dollars per hour! Hundreds!!!! Per hour!!!!! If only those things panned out for reals, right? If only their pointers pointed to something worthwhile instead of me wasting time and racking up more views for them—which, spoiler alert, is how they make a good amount of the shekels.

And then it hit me: I have some stuff to sell. Stuff as in books!

Look out! Marketing schmutz below!

There’s my book of unsung lyrics. Some call it poetry, others call it poetry that repeats itself, and hardly ever do they call me to collaborate, but I call this collection of lyricals, the Mud Folio. The latest edition has some extra sediment: new wanna-be songs.*

Some others, of note, mind you, have notes of their own about these lyrics. Like who?

The incredible songstress ANN HAMPTON CALLAWAY for one: “Calling all composers, get barefoot and take a walk through Greenberg’s Mud Folio. You will find songs waiting for you along the way. Half-full glasses of a hundred-proof lyrics waiting to spill over with music.” 

And the late, great pianist of suavely cool jazz, RAMSEY LEWIS, for another: “Greenberg is the kind of lyricist that comes along once every umpteen years. His lyrics are fresh, unique, and speak to every human emotion.” 

And on the other end of the musical spectrum for most jazzoids, the powerhouse thwackerator of the drums for Gang of Four, HUGO BURNHAM: “As a drummer who only ever wrote one set of song lyrics that went on a record…I have no idea how David does this stuff without a guitar player to constantly argue with.” 

There are more blurbettes on Amazon and Barnes & Noble, and I think you can even buy the softcover (on the left above) and the hardcover (on the right) on Walmart.com, though not in the stores. 

As the ultra-brilliant sales copy urges one and all…We have pulled the lyrics together and jammed them into this book that we have lovingly designed for ultimate reader satisfaction. Here is the updated version of the folio with over 30 new lyricals! Get your copy today and start the rest of your music career on a straight path to hit-dom. Or at least jump-start Greenberg’s!

Don’t wait—definitely order yours today, as the printers take a day or two to process the orders. Or at least jump through the links below to read more of the fantabulous and copious marketing verbiage.

Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Walmart | Boston Globe Feature for the first edition in 2013

And in the esoterica department?

Two books about a dummy? A Dummy? Really Greenberg?

Aw, stop it with this PC stuff. Basket Eddy was a mannequin, so a real dummy. However, we did run him for Junior Class President (Grade 11 for all of you who never were processed through an American Educational system) because all the past Presidents were…okay… dummies. Hey, give the youngsters a break.

We won, though even with 10 of us as President, not much got accomplished, except for cleaning up after dances. We did run under the maxim that “20 hands were much better than two.” Which was probably the one campaign pledge that was true that year in New Canaan and most likely elsewhere.

We Eddys Zoom every other week, having restarted connections this way right before COVID. Along the way, I came up with a book by Eddy, Don’t Be A Dummy, which, of course, if you know me well, is a joke book. As the subtitle notes, Thoughts From An Empty Mind, it is a mostly blank book. Leave it on your coffee table and let your friends find it so they can say: “WTF is this?” Or if the kids are around, or you still live with your parents: “WTH???”

With my over-active and feverish neurons, and as you can see from the cover, I had the idea that Clifford Irving might have wanted the then world-famous Eddy and use him to get a sizable advance for his next book, which, of course, is this one. There’s even a brief history of Eddy after High School and his globe-trotting days with Clifford and friends. Again, the pages are mostly blank, though with great blurbs from other real and mostly famous Eddies. However, like the interview with Mr. Irving, totally fabricated.

“For my money, simply the best summer read of all time, ever.” EDDIE MONEY

“Again Mahoney? Do you always have to make your book jacket blurbs a feeble attempt at marketing yourself? This is Basket Eddy for godsake! Not your average dummy. Give him respect. Personally, Eddy’s book made this year the best year of my life.” EDDIE RABBITT

“I look upon dear Eddy as my most favorite and loyal disciple.” MARY BAKER EDDY

“Basket? He gave me the “twang.” It’s true. Hazelwood claims it, but it was Basket, I gave him his nickname, though I don’t think that’s a story I can tell without letting more than a few “f” bombs explode.” DUANE EDDY

“My first crush! Always brill, love!” EDDIE IZZARD

“Wish I didn’t know the fucker.” EDDIE MURPHY

And, since this is print-on-demand, no additional trees will be destroyed because of this blank book out there in the marketplace. That is until you order one. Use your imagination and fill it up with your own empty thoughts or attempts at appropriating Cy Twombly’s style as your personal side hustle. 

Amazon | Barnes &  Noble | Walmart |

And slightly a bit more practical?

While the above was first thought to be something the Eddys would love, one Eddy, whose nickname was and still is Duane (as they still call me Tape), said: “Tape, if you make lines in the book, I can use it.” 

“I just spent hours creating the thing, so I’m going to go back in and spend even more useless hours adding lines to it? Ugh, to the nth degree!” as I passive-aggressively hurled a stink-eye at my computer screen instead of telling Duane what I actually thought at the time.

Of course, a year later, another idea was percolating. Where was Basket Eddy before Jed brought him to the band rehearsals and concerts in Junior High School (7th and 8th grades)? Why, a member of Mao’s Gang of Four as enlisted by Jiang Qinq, of course. And Quotations From Vice Chairman Lán Àidí was hatched. Even cheaper than all the others! 

And with very usable lines. Don’t worry; Duane has his personal copy!

And this little nothing of a book, though costing just a bit more than nothing to purchase, is an extremely great way to start your Tape Dave collectibles this Holiday Season!

Here’s the postcard I created to hand out at our recent High School reunion, hoping to boost sales. I believe I have sold two so far. So it’s up to you to raise that total to the height of the Great Wall.

Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Google Books |

Future publications from the mighty and majestic [product] Books?

Watch this space. 

However, if you have a manuscript, a bunch of your Ted-X talks, salacious letters from an ex, or just ramblings on audio you’d like in book format, email me, or have your people email me.

For those who are too young and have no idea why I quoted “The Hustle” in my subject line. Here’s a clue from YouTube.

*You would think, after all these years with just a handful of lyricals being put into music, I would just give up and not expend the energy when I could be taking the time to look for more freelance work instead of creating more and more poetry with repeating stanzas. I guess there’s no stopping hope.